


Keep A Tender Distance

by rafaelbaseball



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: 19x07, Episode Tag, Established Relationship, Grouchy Barba, M/M, Missing Scene, Sonny Introspection, Sonny has the patience of a saint, light fluff, mini fight with resolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 08:06:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafaelbaseball/pseuds/rafaelbaseball
Summary: The worst kind of tension between them is always made up of uncomfortable silence and a distinct lack of eye contact, an inability to look at each other when they’re at their most vulnerable, and damn if Rafael doesn’t bring that vulnerability out of him more than Sonny would like. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, just a remind of how fragile his heart is in Rafael’s hands.





	Keep A Tender Distance

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from Tumblr. Just a quick episode tag/missing scene from 19x07 Something Happened because my Barisi goggles are on so tight, you couldn't force them off me if you tried.

“Call Barba.”

Right. Call Barba. 

He’s been waiting for those words, even if he hadn’t been entirely aware of it, and it doesn’t take more than a few second for Sonny to notice he’s the only one taking any action. Phone in hand, screen already unlocked, he glances up to find Fin staring intensely at the door Liv has just closed behind her and Amanda watching him expectantly. There’s a hint of mild amusement in her eyes, a hint of smirk at the corners of her lips. If this wasn’t such a serious situation, he suspects Amanda would fire off any number of witty comments about Sonny’s willing readiness to _call Barba_.

Then he catches sight of the clock on his phone and his finger hesitated over the dial button. 

“What’s wrong?”

Amanda. She’s not going to let him live this down. 

“Nothing, it’s just— Barba, he’s—“ Sonny’s sigh is heavy, borderline as dramatic as Rafael’s might have been in this moment, and he uses his free hand to sheepishly rub at the back of his neck. “He’s asleep. Took an early night.” 

Rafael’s been working too hard, he’s always working too hard, and for the first time in... hell, this might’ve been the first time _ever_ he’d gone home early to give himself a few extra hours of shut eye. Sonny had even patted himself on the back when he’d gotten the text earlier, the one that’d said _good night and I can’t wait to see you when you get here_. Maybe that second half had been implied, but Sonny has become an expert at reading between Rafael Barba’s lines. After years of knowing this man, letting himself fall for this man, he’d be an idiot not to learn him, too.

“ _Carisi _?”__

__Amanda’s voice snaps him back to the moment, and Sonny blinks dumbly at her. He still hasn’t dialed._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“I’m sure our good Counselor will understand if you have to wake him for this. In fact, I’m pretty sure you’d just be putting yourself in the doghouse if you didn’t.”_ _

__“Yeah, well, you call him, then.”_ _

__Amanda does finally smirk then, and she holds her hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, if it’s going to be anyone’s funeral here, it’s going to be yours. Besides, all you need to do is butter him up once he gets here. You already know all the right moves.”_ _

__Fin cuts in before Sonny has a chance to fire back a retort. “If you two wanna fool around and not call him, _I’ll_ do it.”_ _

__Sonny offers a tight, apologetic smile. “I got this. Listen, I’m just going to go pick him up. It’ll be faster that way.” More importantly, it gives Rafael a little more time to sleep. “I’ll call when we’re headed back.”_ _

__“Yeah, okay,” Fin agrees, “but don’t take your time.”_ _

__With a quick nod to Fin and a scowl without any real malice behind it at Amanda, who merely shrugs at him, Sonny takes off. He slides his phone into his back pocket in exchange for his keys, already singling out the one for the car, and only decides not to turn the siren on at the very last second before heading to Rafael’s, wondering what the best way to wake up a sleeping boyfriend without getting an elbow to the face would be._ _

__As it turns out, he needn’t have worried about that at all._ _

__Sonny gets less than a minute to enjoy a lazy smile and a mess of bedhead before Rafael’s leaping out from under the covers and scrambling to get himself looking suitable enough, by his own standards, for the precinct. Once they’re out the door, the journey back to the precinct is relatively quiet, peppered with a few of Sonny’s attempts to wrench a smile out of the grouchy ADA beside him, but he chalks it up to a lack of sleep._ _

__The problem is, the quiet lasts all the way through the doors and into the bullpen. In fact, Rafael barely spares Sonny a glance at all, especially not when Amanda and Fin join in to update him on what’s going on, and even waves a dismissive hand when offered a refill on his cup of coffee. It isn’t until they’re left alone again, watching Liv through the two-way mirror, that Sonny gets the chance to dig. There’s a distance between them, considerably small but noticeable enough, and Sonny glances in Rafael’s direction, frowning when Rafael doesn’t look back at him._ _

__“I’m sorry I had to drag you out of bed.”_ _

__“You didn’t drag me anywhere.” After a beat, Rafael adds,”You _did_ rush me. At the very least, you could’ve let me grab a tie.”_ _

__“Nobody cares if you’re wearing a tie. You look good without the tie.”_ _

__“I care.” Rafael ignores the compliment, doesn’t even acknowledge it. Something’s wrong._ _

__Sonny shifts from one foot to the other, watching Liv and their suspect circle each other around the room. “I offered to get one for you.”_ _

__Rafael scoffs. “ _Please_.”_ _

__Sonny’s frown deepens and so do the creases at the corners of his eyes. Rafael hasn’t looked at him once since they’d walked into this room, and Sonny is very well aware of why they’re here and the importance of the matter at hand but if there’s one thing that drives him nuts about when they fight, it’s when Rafael won’t tell him _why_. The worst kind of tension between them is always made up of uncomfortable silence and a distinct lack of eye contact, an inability to look at each other when they’re at their most vulnerable, and damn if Rafael doesn’t bring that vulnerability out of him more than Sonny would like. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, just a remind of how fragile his heart is in Rafael’s hands. _ _

__It goes both ways. Sometimes he thinks that’s what Rafael fears most: that one of them will crack again, and the third time won’t be the charm._ _

__So it’s better to get it out of the way than let it fester, Sonny decides. Bottling it all up had never worked well for them in the past, they’re better at the communication thing now. They’re damn well trying to be, anyway._ _

__“Are you pissed at me or something?”_ _

__It isn’t the most eloquent way he could be asked, but there it is._ _

__Rafael sighs, finally tearing his eyes away from the glass and tilting his head up to meet Sonny’s gaze. “No,” he says, his voice low and gravelly, sounding almost like he had when Sonny had woken him and just as exhausted. Sonny could drown under the wave of guilt that passes over him. “I’m not _pissed_ at you. I’m just taking it out on you.”_ _

__“Taking what out on me?”_ _

__Rafael ducks his head, staring at the ground for a few seconds before looking at Sonny’s reflection in the glass. “Liv is in there, putting herself on the line, and I hate myself for resenting her for it.”_ _

__“You— What?”_ _

__“Look,” Rafael says, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sonny wants to smooth out the lines on his forehead, wants to go back to the moment when he’d woken Rafael up, only to be on the receiving end of seeing the love, pure and plain, in those green eyes. “When you came home, for just a second, I thought you were there to crawl into bed with me. I thought we’d be spending the rest of the night together. Instead, we’re here, and I want to be here but don’t want to be. So I’m wallowing, okay? Just for a little bit. I’m wallowing because I never thought I’d be the guy who’d whine about just wanting to fall asleep next to his boyfriend when there’s a job to do, but that’s where I’m at right now, and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.” Rafael finishes with a huff, squaring his shoulders and lifting his chin, as if expecting Sonny to chastise him._ _

__For his part, Sonny has to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, from smiling, from doing anything that would be considered entirely inappropriate in contrast to what’s unfolding in front of them. Instead, he shuffles a couple inches closer to Rafael, reaching his fingers to lace through Rafael’s, hardly more than their fingertips brushing. The touch is quick, it lasts less than half a minute, but he can see Rafael’s shoulders relaxing, the intended effect._ _

__“First of all, I’d kiss you right now if I could, I just want you to know that. And second, when Liv manages to get the real story here, and we both know she will, I’m taking you home and making sure you get the best sleep of your life. I’ll be right next to you all night to make sure of that.”_ _

__It’s all he really wants to do, when it comes down to it. Loving Rafael isn’t easy, taking care of him sometimes feels like scaling a mountain only to find the top of it covered with eggshells when it (preferably) shouldn’t take any effort at all, but Sonny has known that for a long time now. Being with Rafael takes work that’s worth every second. To see him smile, to hear Rafael say something as simple as “I want to be sleeping next to you,” it’s worth every moment of exasperation because Sonny knows at the end of the day, he’s the only one who’s earned the honor of Rafael Barba loving him back._ _

__“Oh?” Rafael glances at him, eyes brighter now, smirking, “I’m holding you to that.”_ _

__“Consider it a promise.”_ _

__Rafael hums, looking and sounding pleased now, apparently satisfied enough to look back through the glass with renewed interest. “So you gave me the rundown. Now tell me what you think. What are we waiting for?”_ _

__For a moment, Sonny just watches Rafael, and Rafael lets him. They both know Sonny won’t tell him anything he hasn’t already figured out, they both know that there’s nothing in the way of legal advice Sonny can offer here that Rafael will actually need, but Sonny still appreciates the effort. It’s Rafael’s way of trying, of showing Sonny that whether or not he’s needed, he’s always still wanted._ _

__Those lines again, he thinks, it’s a damn good thing he’s learned to read between them. If Rafael ever comes out and says exactly what he means when it comes to anything personal, it’ll only be because he’d tripped and fallen over his own words by accident._ _

__Sonny will take it. He’ll take anything he can get when it comes to Rafael, the small moments and the big, the hope of sleeping next to each other and the declarations of love. Everything adds up to what they are now, what they mean to each other now, and that’s the world. They’ve got a job to do right now, it’s true, and they’ll make sure they do what’s necessary; but once all is said and done, Sonny still has a promise to live up to, and he doesn’t intend to disappoint._ _

___That’s _a promise he’s willing to keep for as long as he’s allowed to keep making them.__ _ _


End file.
